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Found my self in a strange town………….. Krefeld, West Germany to be exact!

Saturday the 24th of September and there is nothing going on, Carol and I are a little bored “What to do, what to do?” Quick surf of the net to find some thing local, any thing will do, and then we find “The Velvet & Silk Mod-Weekender Krefeld” only forty minutes from us! The flyer promises, live bands, ride outs, music and sixties markets! Quick time appreciation and we can get there in time for the ride out, “where did I put my Parka?”

You've got to wear the right clothes, be careful not to pick or scratch your nose

Suitably attired in our old and trusted Parkas, Carol and I were soon Scooting towards Krefeld. “The Malossi kitted Vespa purred away a real horrorshow, a nice warm vibraty feeling all through your guttiwuts!” The roads were clear and even, the sun was shining and we found our way to the rendezvous point at Krefeld’s train station. The appointed hour for the ride out was 1500hrs and we had arrived at a quarter too so our hearts sank some what as there was no one else there!

But when you ask in a strange town, they say don't know, don't care, and I've got to go, mate

We waited and waited and to be perfectly honest I was starting to get a little pissed off! At twenty five past, Carol and I decided to ‘Bin it” Just as we were about to climb back onto the Scooter I heard the comforting sound of a Lambretta! It was the ubiquitous Mario from Düsseldorf riding his Lambretta DL 150, after exchanging the customary hellos. Mario informed us that there were two sides to the train station and guess what…… we were on the wrong side! Three minutes later we arrived at the correct place.

You can't be weird in a strange town; you'll be betrayed by your accent and manners.

Now before we go any further I would like to say for the record that I am not an expert on the German “Mod” Scene, so my observations are purely based on a comparison of what I know of the British Scene compared to those assembled at Krefeld. Carol and I rode up to this group of about fifty, The Scooter we were riding was a Metallic Orange Vespa PX200Disc with an Ironing Board back rest and a Malossi 225 kit, as far as I am concerned it looks a bit “Mod”? I was expecting a plethora of dazzling Mod Scooters, dazzled I was not!

They worry themselves about feeling low; they worry themselves about the dreadful snow

The group consisted of some of the tiredest Vespas I have ever seen in one place, no that’s a lie, I have seen this site one or two times before usually in the “Scooters for sale India” section on the internet! The Mods were not the peacock strutting models I normally would see, It looked like a scene from a Austin Powers themed stag party were the costumes had been hired from the cheep and cheerful fancy dress shop! My next criticism was their hair! Those that still had it certainly had not visited a decent barber for some time and no self respecting Mod would be seen out with such unkempt hair and hair styles! Long sideies and thick locks do not constitute Mod! My blood was boiling, I was now the self appointed Mod Police and I was taking names and kicking ass! Next on my list of horrors were the shoes!!! Can’t you get boot polish in Krefeld? Well, can ya huh can ya!!! If our lass had bought her clippers and I had my trusted “Kiwi” black, we would have made a fortune or at least made em look clean!

Though I've only been here for three weeks now, I've got blisters on my feet

Both carol and I were amazed and I was falling into shock! The run organiser approached me with a fag in his hand, does he know who I am! He spoke English with a fake American accent, he said a few things to me but I was looking at his shoes! I watched him walk to his scooter, a vespa 50 Special; I concentrated on my jaw dropping as he concentrated on bump starting this little Italian Classic. One hundred pounds spent on the flyer and three dollars on the scooter, I would have had him publicly flogged!

The rest of the group were talking and trying there best to look uncool as the run organiser entertained us for twenty minutes with his “I can push a vespa 50” routine. I studied the gathering; there were a few student types, some of the old and bold Mods from Düsseldorf and an unhealthy smattering of Scooter Boys consisting of Krefeld’s “Danger Seekers”.

They all ignore me 'cause they don't know; I'm really a spaceman from those UFOs

As soon as the little Vespa 50 started, we donned our helmets and took off for the ride out. Krefeld is a busy little city and we wrestled the vespa through its smooth cobbled streets whilst playing Russian roulette with the trams and tram tracks that reminded you of your own mortality as your back tyre danced the tango of death! Carol was oblivious of the riding conditions and relaxed as the charming city unfolded before us, I concentrated on not shitting myself as Mod after Mod zipped in and out of the procession as if on tuned fifty kits! I needed a bit of air in my back tyre so indicated to turn into a garage, thank you to those who waited for me. Tyre inflated and it was back onto the road to play “Where has the ride out gone”. I’m not too good at that game, so after half an hour it was time to ride back to The Dutch border and home.

I've finished with clubs where the music's loud, cause I don't see a face in a single crowd

The plan was to have a bite to eat, a little kip, we are both middle aged now, then back to Krefeld’s Magnapop Club for the Night Do. A shit, shower and shave later we were on our way.

You've got to move in a straight line, you've got to walk and talk in four four time

The Magnapop Club is a typical student dive with concrete floors, there are the normal trendy posters declaring that they are cool and hip, you know the ones, film and band posters. It seldom works and a little more imagination is needed as this place came across as grotty and cheap. The usual cliental are those with not too much dosh in their pockets and I suppose the owners of the club are used to the “Pot Noodle student loan brigade”.

I look in the mirror, But I can't be seen, Just a thin, clean layer of Mister Sheen

The entertainment looked promising with two live bands and both Dutch and German DJ’s who were capable of steering the trendy bendies into a Modernist frenzy, well that was what it suggested on the flyer. The first DJ was a Dutch chap, Michel Da Capo T. (Utrecht-NL), “Vould you like a schmoke and pancake?" His set consisted of some sixties “Hammond Organ” and “Freak Beat” this could of gone down a storm but the night was still young and the punters were not yet in party mood. I enjoyed the first DJ set and I did appreciate the mans vinyl collection, the time was now 2200hrs and the first band was now setting up.

Break it up, Burn it down, shake it up, Break it up

The first of the two bands were the German four piece “Surf Band” named Cave 4 who play numerous Sixties Punk and Rock'n'Roll classics. Cave 4 consist of, Trich - Bass Guitar Oeli - Guitar and Vocals Joerg – Guitar Marc – Drums.

Now here was the turning point of the weekend, it went from being a bit “naff’ to WOW!! Hold on coz we’re gonna partyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! This was the sound of brain blasting supersonic surf guitars; this is the sound `Pulp Fiction! The set ripped up the audience into a blended thrash of Mods n Mockers who really needed this boot up the backside to let them selves go!

Cave 4 blasted out Journey To The Stars, Too Cool To Talk To You, Hot Ride, The Rebel, Boy Don't Tell Me, God Loves Cowboys, Sheena Was Right, Toes On The Nose, Nice Girls, Shapes Of Things To Come, Boulevard Patrol, Gotta Get Myself Together, Margaya and their latest version of the ELVIS classic "Burning Love"

I can honestly say that I was stunned! The set was electric, fast and furious, if you ever get a chance to see this ban do!

The band finished its last belter and the house lights went up in order for the stage to be cleared and the next band to set up.

Let me tell you how it will be There's one for you, nineteen for me 'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

The young lads setting up looked as if they had just stepped straight out from the set of “Kevin and Perry Go large”. Complete with track suites, trainers, fly away hair and the usual nineteen year old bum fluff. The band was Dutch and called De Biet and by the look of them I was ready to go home!! They disappear back stage for around five minutes only to emerge wearing matching crushed velvet suits and billowy shirts! At least these lads had made an effort.

Should five per cent appear too small Be thankful I don't take it all 'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah I'm the taxman

The first track they performed was The Beetles classic taxman, out of this world!! De Biet professionally transformed themselves into a dynamic band complete with drum, bass, lead guitar, percussion and a Hammond organ to boot! De Biet injected the sixties straight into the jugular, next up was Heat Wave, they sounded like the Who. I forgot to tell you that it only cost nine euros to get in to see this, I would have paid double to see De Biet.

De Biet cranked out Things we said today, Wrong from the start, I can hear the grass grow, Satan’s Holiday, Get off of my cloud and believe it or not Pink Floyd’s Astronomy Domine with the band proudly announcing to be all Pink Floyd fans!

Lime and limpid green, a second scene a fight between the blue you once knew.

My only criticism of De Biet was there rather strange insistence on bringing on a young Dutch girl who murdered a few Dutch sixties songs with her tuneless mother tongue, my advice to you guys is ditch the chick! I think it was a classic case of “I want my girl friend to sing” or maybe her dad owns the van?

If you drive a car, I'll tax the street, if you try to sit, I'll tax your seat. If you get too cold I'll tax the heat, if you take a walk, I'll tax your feet.

De Biet stole the show and both carol and I were glad to have made the effort to turn out, it was three o’clock in the morning before we decided that we decided to bale out.
Michael Wink had just completed his DJing set; he is by far the best Mod and RnB spinner in Germany.

Don't ask me what I want it for If you don't want to pay some more 'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

On our way home we reflected on the day, I have to take my hat off to the German Mod Scene, it is seldom given, if ever, any kudos from the German Scooter Boy Scene and to be honest there is no love lost between them. There does not seam to be the same “cross over” from one cult to the other? Pity really as we had a fantastic night, I can not forgive the state of their Scooters and I do think a little more effort is needed on some of their grooming.

Now my advice for those who die Declare the pennies on your eyes 'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman And you're working for no one but me.

I look forward to next weekend at the “Unique Club” in Düsseldorf were the next mod weekender will take place, stay cool.