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Filthy & Sly Scooter Dive #17 in Marl Germany 3 – 4 July 2004

By Simon Cuerden

There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim, and we sat in the Korova Milkbar trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening. The Korova milkbar sold milk-plus, milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.

The Filthy Extensions and The Sly Vultures Scooter Clubs of Germany have been hosting superb scooter runs for the last seventeen years or so bringing us outstanding runs in Archen that saw literally thousands of scooterists revelling at the weekend to the likes of Edwin Starr. Six years ago the two scooter clubs chose to turn their backs on big venues, disappointed with the amount of cars arriving at Archen and none scooterists, they decided to go “Back to their roots” and downsize the runs. This led to a more hard core Scooterist attending a more hard core run. Over the weekend of the 3rd and 4th of July the Filthy and Sly held their seventeenth scooter run in Marl near Dortmund Germany. The Germany chapter of The Armed forces Scooter Club decided to give them a visit.

"How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip oil? Come and get one in the yarbles, if you have any yarbles, you eunich jelly thou."

The usual things happened on our club web site and as always we listed those who were intending to go from the Germany based members. Harry Barlow and Sean were coming over from Leicter and they arrived at my house late Thursday night. Friday afternoon we set off for the two hour trip from Viersen to Marl all in all it was a pretty uneventful journey, a bit wet and miserable but we were on the run so who cares! Arriving on the camp site we were greeted by the South Palatine Scooter Club who insisted we participated in a very dodgy drink that consisted of a powder like substance, a bit like space dust if any one remembers that? Followed by a shot of Korn (a German vodka type drink also used for drag racing) it was a bit like tasting sweet plumps then being kicked in the plumbs! Mind it did warm the cockles of the heart and as me dear old mum used to say “Many a mickle makes a muckle” never did quite understand what she meant by that but then again she was as mad as a frog!

The Durango-95 purred away real horrorshow - a nice, warm, vibraty feeling all through your guttiwuts. Soon, it was trees and dark, my brothers, with real country dark. We fillied around for a while with other travellers of the night, playing hogs of the road. Then we headed west, what we were after now was the old surprise visit. That was a real kick and good for laughs and lashings of the old ultra-violence.

After throwing the tents up we were greeted by Rosi of the Cloud 9 Scooter Club who offered us yet another drink, this time it was only from a bottle so I gladly slugged hard and deep only to find it was the Devils own brew of chilli and Korn! Boy was we going to have fun the next time nature calls! Johnny Cash “Ring of Fire” springs to mind! Standing around watching the scooters pouring in I noticed there was a definite increase in Lambrettas being ridden to the run. I’m not too sure why this was but an increase never the less. Mostly ruff Sevettas, dodgy LI’s and DL 150’s but Lambrettas never the less and this is quite unusual for a country mostly dominated by radically tuned Vespa’s.
 

We were all feeling a bit shagged and fagged and fashed, it having been an evening of some small energy expenditure, O my brothers. So we got rid of the auto and stopped off at the Korova for a nightcap.

We are always promised a belting run with top music, top people and a top atmosphere and we were not to be disappointed. The bar was ridiculously cheap and the music was excellent all weekend. I did hear one or two criticisms aimed at the Filthy and Sly in regards to their absence on other German runs and the slight decrease in numbers was blamed on the fact that some would not support a club that didn’t support other club runs. The German scene is a small clique of hard core scooterists who brave the miles and elements and I have the utmost respect for them. They have many similarities as the Britt’s, but they also have their own etiquette and unwritten rules. Going on the runs with a scooter is thee most important thing and credibility is always questioned when status is assumed rather than earned.
 

And it was like for a moment, O my brothers, some great bird had flown into the milkbar and I felt all the malenky little hairs on my plott standing endwise and the shivers crawling up like slow malenky lizards and then down again. Because I knew what she sang. It was a bit from the glorious Ninth, by Ludwig van.

Any way back to the plot! Before you could say “Hang over” Saturday morning was upon us, it did sling it down during Friday night but no one cared and every ones tent held up, I did have memories of Holiday in Holland last year when my tent turned into a small boating lake! At about eleven o’clock the remainder of the Armed Forces scooter Club arrived. It was especially nice to see me old mucker Dave Gibbs returning to Germany along with his superb SX 200 bedecked with mirrors and all the usual Mod accessories, the only piece on his scooter that was out of place was a rather ill fitting chrome bridge piece that Dave had entrusted to a certain reputable chromer and that person actually sold Dave’s original SX item sending Dave a rather inferior model of questionable origin, it certainly wasn’t SX! Dave was well livid and our club members will certainly not be using his services again. E-mail me via our web sit for more details of this if you wish, I get absolutely threaders at the working practices of some Scooter dealers who literally take the piss!
 

"I don't like you should do what you done. And I'm not your brother no more and wouldn't want to be...Yarbles, great bolshy yarblockos to you. I'll meet you with chain or nozh or britva any time. Not having you aiming tolchocks at me reasonless. It stands to reason, I won't have it."

With the gang all here it was now time to settle into the full Scootering weekend, every one was a little disappointed this year at the lack of fun games so most chose to mill round the local biker’s café. Dia Ransom, Elian, Carol, Zak and I decided to ride out to the local swimming baths to join the others; we never did find the baths! Dia was in absolute agony due to three broken ribs from a previous injury and felt every bump and hump in the road. Returning to the camp site we chilled out and watched the rolling road as scooter after scooter tried their utmost to squeeze the last drop of power from their radical tunes. Warp 5 was there with their mutant creation, as featured in Scootering some time ago, and the power this beast produces is phenomenal! Warp 5 are now doing some awesome Lambretta tuning and I predict some quantum leaps in Lambretta engineering are going to surface very soon, Germany is boss for Vespa and now it seams their gaze has focused towards Lambretta…….you read it here first!

Pretty soon darkness fell and the Allnighter started, The Filthy and Sly got things right on this run. It is the attention to detail I like such as the club motifs on the beer glasses, the cocktail bar, the embroided run patch, BBQ and Kissing competition……………………….kissing competition? What was that all about? The stage was cleared and couples were invited up to kiss in the most erotic and longest way. Now I do not know if it was the beer or the moonlight but myself and Dave Bellis decided to enter. Not too sure if I feel comfortable with the word “enter” at this point, it was only supposed to be a laugh but Dave is a fantastic kisser!

I have fallen out with him now as he never phones or writes! Needless to say we didn’t win! I’m not too sure if it was Dave Bellis winning best Lambretta with his LI that he was so carried away?

At a blurry red eyed five o’clock in the morning, Harry Barlow and I staggered towards our tent with our internal fuel gages well and truly on full. It seamed just ten minutes later that the Hohne – Fally pose were stirring. Ian Botham had given me some anti hangover tablets (well that’s what he said they were) and I recon he needs to get his money back! I had a head ache that hurt when I breathed! During the night Dave Bellis lost his “Best Lambretta” trophy and Ian Botham lost his scooter keys, Craig Ballantyne had to hot wire the scoot in order for it to be ridden home. Tents packed away and farewells made it, was time for the journey back home. I tried to race Harry Barlow down the autobahn, he was on his small frame Vespa with a tuned T5 engine fitted. I can quite honestly say I have never seen a faster Vespa! Give Grand Prix Scooters a ring for details of the tune.

I suffered a minor breakdown on the way home, throttle cable separated from the carb. Nothing drastic and we all arrived home safe and sound. The Filthy and Sly do is with out doubt the very best scooter run in Germany and one well worth journeying from the UK for. Brilliant weekend, fantastic scooters, great fun and a definite “inking in” for next years calendar see you there……..Simon Cuerden the Armed forces scooter Club.

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